The Keep:Habitica's Court Jesters

The Keep: Index > The Armory > Habitica's Court Jesters

We all love to laugh at silly jokes, knock knock jokes, riddles, and one-liners. The Court Jesters of Habitica are here to tickle our funny bones and brighten our days with their humor.

History

Habitica's Court Jesters was founded in February 2015 after moderator deilann declared it to be Silly Joke time in the Tavern. We all enjoyed it so much that we decided to keep the hilarity going in a separate guild.

Rules

All jokes must be all-age appropriate. No off-color jokes or ethnic jokes are allowed. All challenge winners have given permission to list their names.

Winning

Originally, the winner was determined by using a random number generator or by a Tavern visitor picking a random number. Now, the number of +1s is counted for each joke individually and only tiebreakers are determined by a RNG or at the discretion of the owner of the challenge. Consolation prizes are also given for runner ups, provided gems are present.

Challenges

We like to have joke telling contests with different themes and we proudly announce the winners here. The winners also have an achievement on their player stats listing their challenge win. [Note to editors: change to the Source tab, then copy a recent entry, paste it in at the bottom *before the final line with the closing bracket*, and edit it to add the new winner.]

Date	Challenge	Winner	Joke	# of +1s	Ties or Notes
2/2015	Computer Joke Challenge	NightOwl	Have you heard of the band 1023 MB? I bet not. They haven't had any gigs yet.	not included yet	none
3/2015	Food Joke Challenge	irishfeet123	What did the Cheese family say when taking their family photo? People!	not included yet	none
3/2015	Chicken Joke Challenge	MattTheLittleFeller	Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, it didn't actually cross the road because there was no rational reason to do so so it just stayed on the current side of the road with the tasty green grass.	not included yet	none
3/2015	Parents Joke Challenge	irishfeet123	A toddler was giving her dad a "tea" party. The tea was, of course, water. After giving her dad a few cups of "tea", her mother came home. The dad told her to stand in the doorway and watch her daughter giving her daddy tea, because, of course, it was so cute. After that, she said, "You know that the only place she can reach water is the toilet..."	9	none
4/2015	Pun Challenge	itokro	Leather armour should be the best gear for stealth. After all, it's literally made of hide.	7	none
4/2015	Running Pun Challenge	mememry	I bought some rhubarb today to experiment with. Told my husband I do not know how to make rhubarb pie. He said "First you lay two pieces straight, side by side, then you take the third piece, bend it a bit and lay it across the top."	5	Tie: RNG numbers assigned:1 irishfeet123, 2 mememry, 3 itokro, 4 irishfeet123. RNG 2 winner
4/2015	Knock Knock Jokes	sqq100 (flautistforlyfe)	Will you remember me in a year? Yes Will you remember me in a month? Yes Will you remember me in a week? Yes Knock, knock! Who's there? See, you forgot me already!	7	none
4/2015	Boss Joke Challenge	NightOwl	I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."	5	Tie: irishfeet123 (1) and NightOwl (2) Alys picked 2 winner
5/2015	Raising the Bar	SintK	A neutron walks in to a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies: "For you, no charge!" - Dr. Sheldon Cooper	6	none
5/2015	Sports Joke Challenge	SintK	I'm sick of these idiots playing soccer during the Vuvuzela concerts. (world cup 2010)	4	Tie: irishfeet123(1) SintK (2) SiennWolf chose 2 winner
6/2015	Library and Book Joke Challenge	PPAALLII	Q: Why did the librarian slip and fall on the library floor?A: Because she was in the non-friction section.	2	none
7/2015	American History Joke Challenge	flautistforlyfe	Q: Why are there no America knock-knock jokes? A: Because freedom rings	5	none
7/2015	Doctor Jokes	Irishfeet123	Doctor: Your X-ray showed a broken toe, but we fixed it with Photoshop	6	none
8/2015	Habitica Naming Day challenge	flautistforlyfe	A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?" The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head." The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head." The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY." The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Refrigerator."	6	none
8/2015	Back to School jokes	mememry	A famous politician visits a school. In one class they are working on vocabulary. The word is 'catastrophe'. They invite the politician to work with the class. He asks if anyone can give a good explanation of 'catastrophe'. Susie raises her hand. "A catastrophe is when a plane crashes with lots of people on board." The politician gives her a patronizing smile. "No, young lady, that would be a horrible accident, but it would not be a catastrophe. Anyone else?" Tommy raises his hand. "A catastrophe is when a building collapses and all the people inside die." Again the politician smiles and shakes his head. "No young man, that would be a great tragedy, but it would not be a catastrophe. Who can give me a definition of catastrophe?" Johnny raises his hand. "If you died, it would be a catastrophe." The politician looks flattered. Johnny continues, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it wouldn't be a tragedy."	6	none
9/2015	Falling jokes	irishfeet123	Here's a morale boosting quote for the day: "If you fall, I'll be there for you." -Floor	2	ThePixlatedFedora and mememry had more +1's but didn't officially join the challenge so received consolation prizes
9/2015	Appliance/Household Object jokes	ThePixelatedFedora	A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time: haircut and new color, new outfit and big sunglasses, and then she waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.	5	none
9/2015	Fall Festival Corny Jokes	ThePixelatedFedora	What happens when you toss a blue hat into the Red Sea? It gets wet.	5	habitformer2 was runner up with +4, but didn't receive a consolation prize.
12/2015	Holiday Jokes	Gannondorf	What do you call a bankrupt Santa? A: Saint Nickel-less.	3	NightOwl and flautistforlfe received the same number of +1s and were given consolation prizes.
1/2016	Snow and Winter Jokes	sonnet73	Knock Knock! Who's there? Snow! Snow who? Snow laughing matter.	4
2/2016	Valentine's Day Jokes	miss_match	There was an old party of Lyme, Who married three wives at a time. When asked, "Why the third?" He replied, "One's absurd, And bigamy, sir, is a crime!	2	There was a 3-way tie for second place between Juana Tango, dancerinsox, and Lisa with +1 votes. sonnet73's joke also won gems, with +5 votes.
3/2016	Pi Day Jokes	dancerinsox (irishfeet123)	Really, why do people get so excited about Pi day? It's so irrational...	6	runners-up were Lisa and NightOwl
3/2016	Easter Bunny jokes	miss_match	A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. “I feel terrible,” he explained. “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.” The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to he car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 meters, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 meters. The man was astonished. He couldn’t figure out what substance could be in the woman’s spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, “What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?” The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: ” ‘Hare Spray’ Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave.”	8
1/2017	Bar jokes	Gumnos	A gorilla walks into a bar, orders a beer, and puts a $10 on the bar. The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know what beer costs" and gives the gorilla two quarters as change. Making a little small-talk, the bar-tender says, "You know, we don't get many gorillas in here." The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.50 for a beer, I can see why."	7	Runners-up with +6 were EternalLearner, CapnMantis, and froggily!
2/2017	Valentine's Day joke	EternalLearner	A woman woke up on the morning of Valentine's Day and told her husband, "I had a dream that you bought me a huge, extravagant diamond necklace that cost two years' salary!" Her husband said, "Wait until tonight, and then you'll know the meaning of your dream." She could hardly concentrate for the rest of the day. When evening finally came, he got home and handed her a beautifully wrapped box that she noticed was quite heavy; and when she opened it, she found a book entitled, How To Interpret Your Dreams.	10	runner-up was cTheDragons with +8
2/2017	Heads of State jokes	miss_match	When one of her royal grandsons misbehaves the Queen is having a bad heir day...	8	runners-up were cTheDragons and EternalLearner with +5
3/2017	St. Patrick's Day jokes	Gumnos	Q: What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy? A: A rash of good luck	10	The runner-up joke was also posted by Gumnos with +9
3/2017	Doctors and Medicine jokes	miss_match	A man walked into a dentist’s surgery and said “I think I’m a moth.” The dentist said “You don’t need me, you need a doctor.” He says, “I know, but your light was on.”	12	Runner-up was cTheDragons with +9
4/2017	Travel jokes	Nerds4ever	I'm going to Myrtle Beach to bury metal items saying, "Get a life!!!!"	17	Runner-up was Unikittys4life with +13. The winning joke smashed the previous record of +12.
4/2017	Clothing jokes	Unikittys4life & Altariel	Q: Why do golfers always wear two pairs of pants when they go golfing? A: Just in case they get a hole in one. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.	13	Congratulations to the winners. They ended up in a tie.
5/2017	Philosophy jokes	miss_match	A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if he's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not." POOF! The horse disappears. This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.	8	Runner-up was cTheDragons with +7
5/2017	Fishy jokes	miss_match	A monastery is in financial trouble, so it goes into the fish-and-chips business to raise money. One night a customer knocks on its door. A monk answers. The customer asks, “Are you the fish friar?” “No,” he replies. “I’m the chip monk.”	12	Runners-up were cTheDragons and EternalLearner with +11
6/2017	Riddles	indeterminate	Riddles were complicated to judge since we asked for posts without answers to give 48 hours for guesses. Popular opinion was that brain-teasers created a different atmosphere than the humor most of us look for in the Court Jester's Guild.
7/2017	Road and road-crossing jokes	Unikittys4life	Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To prove that he wasn't chicken!	17	Runner-up was Iron Man with +14
8/2017	Space and Astronomy jokes	miss_match	I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!	20	Runner-up was cTheDragons with +13
6/2018	Birthday jokes	cTheDragons	I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.	9	Runner-up was Helenaisamaging with +6
7/2018	Elephant jokes	Ligea	I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said "Thanks." I said "Don't mention it."	12	Runner-up was cTheDragons with +10
8/2018	Science jokes	PenvsSword	A joke in just 3 helium atoms: he he he	14	Runners-up were HK407 and cTheDragons with +13 each
9/2018	Knock knock jokes	HK407	Knock Knock Whose there? The Doctor. The Doctor who? No no no. Just the Doctor. we're already 10 seasons in and you still cant get it.	9	Runners-up were CJ Punkatonis and EternalLearner with +8 each
10/2018	Halloween jokes	Linsanity	Sean and Wayne were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. When they were right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Catching their breath and trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. 'Great grief, Mister,' said Sean, his voice quivering, 'You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What on earth are you doing working here so late at night?' 'Those fools,' the old chiseller grumbled, 'they've misspelled my name. And I had to wait until Halloween before I could crawl out and fix it.'	10	Runner-up was Helenathemagyarwarrior with +9
12/2018	December Holiday jokes	dankwarrior	What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic!	9	Runner-ups had an epic twelve-way tie at +7
1/2019	History jokes	Aslan Abby	Last night on Dancing With The Tsars, Peter and Catherine were great but Ivan was terrible.	15	Runner-up was noreilly with +12
3/2019	Phone jokes	Linsanity	This isn't a joke so much as a true story. A few years ago I got so sick of people ringing me to try to get me to change over to their particular phone company and being blunt or even downright rude did not seem to be dissuading them. So...the next time I answered the landline and the sales person said "Good Afternoon madam may I ask you which telephone company you are with at the moment?" I answered "Oh sorry but I don't have a phone." There was a pause of total silence on the other end then I said cheerfully "Goodbye". It didn't stop others from still calling but it made me feel heaps better.	17	Runner-ups were CathB and cTheDragons with +14
4/2019	Mythology jokes	MeaTheMage & podracer	Q: Where did Frodo go to get into good habits again? A: Hobbitica! Q: Why do dragons sleep all day? A: So they can fight knights!
8/2019	Technology jokes	Linsanity	I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.	11	Linsanity was also the runner-up with a tie at +11
9/2019	School jokes	trishj & scarletwolfy	I asked my nephew what he learned in class today. He told me that animals emit greenhouse gases and that & plants turned carbon dioxide into oxygen so the environmentally friendly thing to do is to eat the animals and leave plants alone. Q: Why did the students eat their homework? A: The teacher said it was a piece of cake!
10/2019	Spooky Halloween jokes	Giggles89	I want a truly scary halloween costume this year! I was thinking of dressing up as a phone battery at 5%.	9
11/2019	Cooking jokes	Linsanity	I just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap	13
12/2019	Toy & Game jokes	EternalLearner	Getting my new toy drone stuck up in a tree wasn't the worst thing that happened to me today. But it's definitely up there.	13
1/2020	Limericks	EternalLearner & Linsanity	The old seismotologist frowned At every discovery he found, Because all his work Had one major quirk: It was not based upon solid ground. An elderly man called Keith, Mislaid his set of false teeth. They'd been laid on a chair, He'd forgot they were there, Sat down, and was bitten beneath.	11
2/2020	Funny texts	EternalLearner & Linsanity	Daughter: Mom stop you are not funny. You never make jokes Mom: I made you! Katie: I want to punch her in the eye. With a rusty fork. Katie: Oh-. Hi Dad-. This is awkward; I didn't mean to txt that to you. Dad: Lol, Hi Katie. Don't forget to wear gloves to keep fingerprints off the fork. Katie: My favorite part of this is how you don't even question who it is. Dad: The less I know the less I can say at the interrogation.
3/2020	light bulb jokes	miss_match	How many jazz musicians does it take to replace a light bulb? A-one . . . a-two . . . a one-two-three-four!	16	Runners-up were Minuialwen and Madison_Grace with +14 each